I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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