Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
