Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
