Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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