i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just blew my weed a kiss
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
