So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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