yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
