im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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