the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
