Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
