Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
