and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
