I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize