My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
