I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
