well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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