We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
