You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
