so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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