Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
