tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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