so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Four minutes until I can fart!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
