Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
