I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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