Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
