I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
