my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Randomize
