already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
