So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
