What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
