How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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