Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
