I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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