I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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