I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She's the barista slut.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
