i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
