uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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