you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
