Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
