Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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