You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
