Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
