I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
the day after is always just damage control
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The Olympian is in my bed
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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