i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
