I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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