apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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