You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
