You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
