I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm having to shit out rocks
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
