Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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