she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
